im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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