and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
