How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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