I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
