he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
