So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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