Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
