I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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