She is in my trunk
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
