how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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