so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
