I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
