thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
this hospital has no fireball
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
