I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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