I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
