Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
