At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
