I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
