You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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