How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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