Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
