mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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