I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We need to get me chipped asap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
