ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
