no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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