i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
