it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
