we're chasing vodka with high fives
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
