someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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