Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
