What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
