We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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