Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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