I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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