I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
