If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
