you guys were way drunker than both of me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
