It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
