New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize