What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
