just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
