Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize