Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
