don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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