Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
