He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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