my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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