wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
