She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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