You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
