youre lurking in front of me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
