Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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