Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
