Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
