East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
