i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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