She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
