I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Enjoy the penises
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
