Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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