Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
