You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize