You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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