Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
