Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
