I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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