I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
