i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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