My brain says no but my pants say off.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize